I've come to the realization that when bad things happen, and you have no one to talk to, God is the greatest comforter and constant you could ever need. You can't see him, but when you really need it, his comfort is greater than any embrace you could receive and more warming than any hand you could ever hold. Today when I got home from school today, I needed that comfort more than anything. I ate, played Chefville on facebook, watched two episodes of a new TV show, and hugged my pillow. I even shed a few tears. And, after resting for a few hours and talking to God, I felt enormously better.
Today I saw what I think was a black widow spider hanging from the rafters in the Art Annex. First off, I do not like spiders. They're cool to look at inside of a terrarium, but once they're out and about and have the potential to land on me, I'm not alright. I asked a guy in my class to kill it. He wouldn't but he was more than willing to get rid of it. But once we all got to talking about it, my teacher said, "Well this is a warehouse...Spiders are pretty rampant." I said, "Yes, but I can't see them," and the Lord rebuked me. He said, "Naturally, if you do not see them, they do not exist." How stupid does that sound? Because I can't see these spiders, they aren't really here.I'm convinced we treat God and his promises like this. We have to remind ourselves constantly never to allow our circumstances to dictate how we feel. There is no limit to what God is able to do and repeating this to myself when things happen that are difficult to handle has done WONDERS for myself over the years. I don't stress about small things. I don't freak out or get angry as often as I used to. Life goes on, and on, and on and eventually, you have to realize that life is not as bad as you make it out to be.
During this time waiting for a mate, I've begun to discover that the things that are important in your life really don't matter. These patches of dark in life: car accidents, family deaths, getting fired, failing a test - are all just tiny moments of pain that we somehow maximize in our minds as things that are all consuming. We act like these things that happen to us somehow make life and ourselves less worthwhile. And, from there, we grasp at straws and strive for things that we aren't called to. This is especially true when it comes to relationships. Somehow, we maximize not having a hand to hold as something extremely horrible. Because of this, we wear our hearts on our shoulders, and fall for any person willing to pay us any attention. Then, we get disappointed when they aren't interested when we never really cared for them to begin with. I did that today, I'm ashamed to say; and I kicked myself because it was so moronic that I was being like that when I know better. Something my pastor has said though, is that sometimes it takes time for our emotions to line up with what we know to be true.
Here's the truth: being single is NEVER a bad thing. Singleness opens a person's days up for meditation on God (1 Corinthians 7). When a person is single, they don't have to plan out their day with another person in mind and they don't have to endure the same drama that married people do. So, to my readers, go hug a pillow and talk to God. Don't be so consumed with having someone that you forget the Someone who promised never to leave you or forsake you. And, when you do get married, take as many pictures as you can, cherish every moment, try everything and go everywhere. We only have this life on earth and there is no marriage in Heaven. Place high value on singleness and on marriage. You only live once.
To my husband: As always,
I have loved you since today.
April Morton, Author of I have loved you since... is a writer, student and designer with a love for all things bridal.