When I was twenty years old, a senior in college, I had an abortion. I thought I was fine until one day, five years later, I was straightening clothes at work and burst into tears saying; "my daughter would have been four years old." Okay that was strange...
A few weeks later, I was at a Crisis Pregnancy Center for another pregnancy test. I kept telling the counselor that even though the test was negative and I hadn't had sex in three months - I was pregnant. I always thought I was pregnant to the point that I would have symptoms...and it may have been 3 or 6 months since the last time I'd had sex. The counselor said; "let me ask you something, have you ever had an abortion?" I didn't answer that question on the intake form because I didn't want to tell anyone what I had done. So, I said; "yes" and she said; "I think it might be good if you came to our counseling classes..."
I thought I was all right. I was 20, in school, no job and pregnant, I saw pregnancy as a problem and abortion the solution. For five years after I would have psychosomatic pregnancies, go into these blinding rages one minute and be perfectly calm the next, night terrors, indecisiveness. The indecisiveness, oh my gosh, I wouldn't make any decisions! "What do you want to eat?" Me; "I don't know whatever you want." I asked advice on every decision. I remember standing in the hallway asking my mother what I should wear. She said; "just put something on." With tears in my eyes, I said; "just tell me what to put on." We were just going to run some errands... it wasn't a big deal especially for a fashion major.
So, I went to the counseling classes, I think it was 6 weeks. A group of women, who were there because they chose abortion, others had been forced to abort. One girl had had ritualistic abortions done to her. A grandmother there had not thought about her abortion until she held her first grandchild!
We went through a workbook and bible scriptures, each week I understood more and more that I was forgiven, that I was not some horrible person. By the end of the classes, I had no more night terrors, rage or shame...I was just happy, full of joy.
I went from feeling like I was just plain crazy to finally being hopeful and joyful.
The blood of Jesus is well able to cleanse us of all sins - past, present and future. Don't let a past decision be an obstacle to the glorious future God has planned for you! (see Jeremiah 29:11)
If you're having a hard time recovering from an abortion,or maybe someone you know is, then click here.