Something that is becoming more and more apparent to me during this season is that I have a problem with flirting. What I’ve discovered is that when I flirt, it’s really me acting out of the un-renewed part of me. My un-renewed self has a tantrum and my spirit – the continually transformed me that operates according to the word of God no matter what – is always ill at ease and understands that I must make God my all. Something that God ministered to me on this is that as I wait for you, God must become my husband because only then will I become a better version of me and a better match for you. Only then will I be able to receive all the comfort he has for me, especially when it comes to this waiting period.
There is immense power in hugging a pillow and praying for the God of all comfort to wrap his arms around you. But the most powerful thing a person can do during this time is to tell their flesh NO. When I say "flesh,” I don’t mean "flesh” as in "sexual desire” – although it can be that. In this particular situation, when I say "flesh,” I mean the burden of loneliness. Just like the way God manifests himself as the answer to any question or problem in your life, and as the fulfillment of any need in your life, the flesh can also manifest itself as anything in your life. Thinking about it now, when I said that I stopped allowing myself to become lonely, what I really should have said was that I no longer allow myself to wallow in depression over feeling lonesome. Here’s why: being flirtatious is just another manifestation of that same loneliness.
You see, something my pastor said today that I thought was absolutely powerful was, "Satan tempts us in the language we know based on the images and words we’ve been previously exposed to.” On an everyday basis, we are constantly bombarded with words and images that spark things in us that don’t need to be awakened and provoke loneliness in us when we have no reason to feel that way. This is why it is so important to be careful about the romantic movies you watch, romance novels you read, what music you listen to, whose counsel you heed, and what relationships you allow into your life. What I had to discover was that when I get bombarded with words and images, all it really is a strategic attack of the enemy to get me to doubt Gods promises in my life. But, instead of responding with the Word, I didn’t even notice that I was responding by flirting with any guy that would pay me any attention.
Pastor Mike said, "These words and images become part of Satan’s arsenal for temptation and suggestion in your life.” This temptation can come in many different forms; but when it comes to this intimacy struggle, the main forms that it can take are self-pity, loneliness, depression, low self-esteem, and the illusion of something you’re "missing,” but really, you aren’t "missing” anything. There are two separate graces required for singleness and marriage and when you allow yourself to feel any of these ways, you end up cursing your portion; you end up saying that God is not enough and that he’s somehow inept at supplying any need you may have, or at giving you the desires of your heart.
The fact of the matter is that "what you don’t have now, you don’t need now (Michael T. Smith).” I had to learn that you can’t force yourself to be in a grace you’re not prepared for. You haven’t learned yourself yet and you haven’t become the person God destined you to be yet. It’s like a little girl trying on her mother’s shoes: you aren’t ready to fill those shoes yet. I’ve tried so often to force a grace that’s not on me yet and all it’s done is scratched the insides of my soul and led to too many heartbreaks and heartaches.
So, to my readers, I leave you with this final thought: "Marriage is NOT a cure all (Creflo A. Dollar).” If you don’t take care of your loneliness and discipline your flesh when it comes to this intimacy struggle now, you will be unfulfilled in marriage.
To my husband, my commitment to you is that I will be faithful in the Grace I’ve been given. I promise you that I will be content in this waiting period the way that I will be content being married to you. I won’t settle for second best and miss out on you, and I won’t allow myself to operate in mediocrity. I promise to be a representation of God’s love and grace in your life always.
I have loved you since today.
April Morton, Author of I have loved you since… is a writer, student and designer with a love for all things bridal.