I suffer from a terminal illness; something more deadly than cancer. It eats at my flesh until it consumes it. It suffocates my arteries until my heart is hard. It takes all of my energy and sucks the life out of me. This illness consumes all of my time so that I have no time for anyone or anything else. This illness leaves me depressed, hopeless, discouraged and down- right bitter. The symptoms of this illness leave me in a lonely state because no one wants to be around me. I cannot see past what is in front of me. I have been diagnosed with a disease called - SELFISHNESS. I cannot take a magic pill and be healed. Instead I must die. Yes, die to myself; to my selfish ambitious, my self-absorbed ways. See I cannot die just once and be in the promise land. I must die on a daily, sometimes hourly basis; at times it may be moment by moment.
The last two months have been very trying times for me. I didn't want to write. I didn't want to work on my books. I just wanted to find a job and leave all of this behind. Then God reminded me it is not about me. That what He placed inside of me is for me to be a blessing to someone else. He showed me that there are people waiting to be blessed through my ministry. And He created me especially to reach out to them. My mind was so consumed with my wants and desires I had forgotten my entire purpose for living. I had forgotten about the people, the very heartbeat of ministry. I want to encourage you to become a part of something bigger than yourself. Let today be a day you lay your selfishness to rest.
I write this letter before I take my last breath. My last breath as I put myself to rest. I am dying so that I may live the life that Jesus came for me to live. I am dying so that I may save someone else. I am dying to live a divine life for Christ.