Desperation Blinders

Blinders: a limitation or obstruction to sight or discernment.[1]

I believe anything that has the ability to limit or obstruct our discernment is a bad thing. The ability to discern is for our safety and benefit.  Desperation Blinders, where did this title come from? A few years back I heard a story of a young lady who was in a relationship that seemed very one-sided.  She was doing things out of character to please a man she was dating. She was chasing after someone who was, apparently, not also chasing after her.  I said; "she has, ‘Desperation Blinders’ on.”  This young lady was so desperate to be in a relationship and to marry that she was allowing herself to be mistreated.  Remember this; "Whatever you compromise to keep, you will eventually lose".

When Jody (Joneen) and I were dating, I had to chase and pursue her.  I believed then, and more so now, that she was worth chasing and pursuing.  I did whatever I needed to do to show her that I cared about her, her dreams, her desires, her visions, and that I wanted to be a part of her life. Here is the most important part of the story: She was also investing in me and in our relationship. I never felt like I was the only one pursuing.  I never felt like I was being taken advantage of.  Neither of us was desperate so our discernment was intact.

It is perfectly fine to chase after and pursue something you want; but when it comes to relationships, both parties should be chasing and pursuing each other.  If only one party is doing the pursuing, this is totally out of balance and will eventually lead to hurt and disappointment.  If a relationship starts one-sided, even if it leads to marriage, you have trained your partner that it is ok to treat you below God's standard.

Ephesians 5:33 of The Amplified Bible says: "However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband."  You may say; "we are just dating!”  If the person you are dating doesn't treat you right, they are not marriage material. Move On!

You have to know that you were created by God in His image-His divine image.  You have to know that He loves you just as you are.  You have to love yourself.  When you know these things, you will not let anyone mistreat you.

God knows your desires.  Don’t be so desperate to be in a relationship, to be married that you compromise who you are.  It is best to cast your care on God and date Him until the right mate manifests.

Keep going forward!


[1] blinder. 2011. In Retrieved July 19, 2011, from

When Shawn first said "Desperation Blinders” to me, I was like: "man that is IT!”  When a person wants a relationship so bad they change who they are to achieve it.

In the past, I had wanted to be in a committed relationship, so I had often pursued without being pursued; loved without being loved and cared without being cared about.   When I met Shawn, I had recently taken off my own "Desperation Blinders”; so he had a challenge on his hands! Shawn met me at the moment God had begun to progressively show me that I was valuable and worthy of the best.  Shawn did chase and pursue me; I don’t recall chasing or pursuing him though! J

Shawn and I were very pragmatic when we dated.  We decided after the first date that our relationship was exclusive.  I decided after a few months, I was not having sex again until I married (that was part of God showing me my value and worth).  After 1 year, I issued the ultimatum; either we marry or we part (I mean how long can you be boyfriend and girlfriend; it’s like school, at some point you either graduate or flunk out!).  We realized relationships need100% from each party in order to succeed.

A relationship has to begin with each of you on common ground.  One person can’t be "all in” and the other person barely there.  If you are pursuing without being pursued – like a very wise man said; "Move on!”

If you’re dating, know that God has the right person for you, don’t settle.  If you’re married, remember to never stop giving 100% and expecting the same in return.  You are valuable and worthy!



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